Slurping it up with a Spork

I decided to save money by packing my lunch and got a lunchbox with utensils!  Too bad one is a Spork.

Yes, that wonderful most useless utensil – the spork.  It’s that mutant hybrid between a Spoon and a Fork.  (I tried calling it a Fpoon, but that’s just ridiculous.)  It’s beautifully designed – if your goal isn’t to eat, but rather have a debate with your food on the proper path to take to your mouth. Yes, consider the Spork:  Tines too small to stab anything more substantial than a single noodle.  A bowl too small for more than a couple dribbles of soup.  Yet, somehow – it’s ideal.

I say that without any sense of irony.  It really does say something about our design ethic in these times (or at least since the 1980s).  We’re a disposable and instant gratification culture.  Who has time to go find TWO utensils, when just one will do nicely?  It’s a lie, of course – as the Spork does both jobs poorly.  But we do like to convince ourselves that it is the perfect too.

(It’s like saying a Yugo was the ideal car for a family of four on a budget.  Sure, it seated 4, and it was cheap… but we all know where that story ended.)

It is surprising, though, how often we can find examples of similar designs that take off – but for no logical reason I can understand.  There are countless examples of something that – on the surface – seems to be the most usable idea in the world, yet falls flat on its face (and I’m not talking about something that’s purposely designed unusably – like a tax form – and not something that’s designed to be so unique that it’s useless – like a silly straw). For example:

Ultra Small Umbrellas – Yes, they fit neatly into your briefcase, or purse, or pocket – and that’s about the only size object they can keep dry.

Cupholders in Cars – Oh, I know – they’re largely useful…until they’re all too small for that super-sized drink – making McDonald’s redesign their cups to fit the holder (you know, those ugly small-bottom, big top things that look like 2 different cups grafted together?

Shoppers Club Keyring Thingies -  By itself – extremely useful.  With two dozen competing club cards… A nightmare.

Flat-Screen TVs and HDTV-  This could merit its own article.  Yes – you now have a TV that doesn’t take up 1/2 of your room.  Yes, you can get that “real life” picture quality.   Now try to hang the sucker.   By yourself.  

“Wireless” Devices -  Finally!  Cut the cord!  But not the headphones, the mouse, the power cord, the USB cables for peripherals…Even with Blue Tooth – eventually something needs a battery or a plug…

SD Memory Cards -  They’re so small!  They store Everything!  That’s the Problem!  Just wait until you lose one….or find that there are 1,000 family photos on each one…that need to be kept because you’ll never look at them all to find the good photos.

I’ll end with my favorite, though:  Baby Gates. Once you’re done marvelling at how they can corral both children and dogs…start marvelling at how close you come to breaking a bone when stepping over one or opening one.  Then keep marvelling at how often whatever it is you need…is on the other side of the gate…

Rather than ranting on, I think I’ll leave it there…I need to start thinking of next week’s entry…